i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
