if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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