I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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