Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
