im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
