My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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