I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you would pick up someone in the library
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
