I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
