Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Alive.
So much puke
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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