she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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