moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
pop tarts are not kleenex
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My feet surprised me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
