Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
