I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
