I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize