I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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