so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
