Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize