If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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