She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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