i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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