He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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