my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
