Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
