He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
