just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
