I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
