I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
