That's when you crack a 10am beer
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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