sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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