That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
