It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
