Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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