i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
