IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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