I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
