If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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