wanna go halves on a baby?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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