so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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