Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
