then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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