My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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