I will die if light touches me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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