he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
