I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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