were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
