those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
