apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He has the fingertips of a God
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