I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize