I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
