Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
