theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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