Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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