dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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