she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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