I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
