My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
