I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
