there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
