Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
