I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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