I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
