It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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