What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize