We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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