Say something about gay babies.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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