totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
