You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
