I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
