Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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