A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
