So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
