I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
